I forgot this web page existed. Along with my life outside of this little nook I call school. This year has been so overwhelming. I don't like it.
Well, I do. But I don't.
It just feel like life is beginning to look like a broken record: Wake up, run, classes, library, bed.
Literally. That has been my life for the past three months.

Does that make me insane or dedicated?
The former seems to be a bit more accurate.

I feel like I have lost touch with everything and everyone that isn't a textbook or a test. I rarely speak to my mom, friends are all busy with their lives (as am I), and lately all I can focus on is trying to get decent grades at the end of this quarter (something that seems more and more out of reach...)

It's kind of like a consistant string of days blending into one big blob of time.
I am not a fan.
It's not the sort of life I want to lead.

Oh what to do, what to do.

fuck it all.
i just. its just. ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I sometimes can't help thinking how it really isn't fair how happy everyone else seems

I finally, finally have faith.
I never knew what if felt like to be a proud American until now.

Because it is the end of summer, as well as the complete end of my being a high school student, I decided to do one last survey in honor of my myspace obsession days.
Here it is.


1. What did you do this summer that you'd never done before?
 had a semi serious relationship. 

2. Did you keep your summer goals?
   yes actually for the most part
2.5 If so, what were they?
   got a job, lost ten pounds. actually, weird right?

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
   no

4. Did anyone close to you die?
    no

5. What countries did you visit?
    canada...

6. What would you like to have next summer that you lacked this summer?
    a life outside of working

7. What date from this summer will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
too many to count

8. What was your biggest achievement of the summer?
losing ten pounds, working out, my job, my friends

9. What was your biggest failure?
my messy, messy room

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
 allergies

11. What was the best thing you bought?
 um, mac lipstick that i love, my boots from urban, anything i got from XXI or HM

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
  Lisa, for going to a completely different country, and deciding to move to arizona

14. Where did most of your money go?
  Not going to lie, 
cigarettes, gas, ferry passes

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
   Lisa coming back, my paychecks, leaving soon

16. What song will always remind you of this summer?
Time of the Season, the zombies

17. Compared to this time last summer, are you:
     - more mature? yeah sure
     - richer or poorer?  Poorer, no tip jar, enough said
     - thinner or fatter? thinner i think

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
     - Hang out with friends
 

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
   worked
20. How did you spend the 4th of July?
     Lisas shitfaced and high with the parents

21. Did you fall in love?
   no

22. How many one night hookups
oh, one.
how oddly surpising and out of the blue that was

23. What was your favorite TV program?
gossip girl duh

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
   not at all

25. Best book you read?
Catch 22

26. What was your favorite film of this summer?
um. not sure really.

27. How would you describe your personal fashion concept?
"trendy" as graham put it. If I had to, I would say comfy, a little bit of a western influence, boots boots boots

28 Whom did you miss?
Audrey, lisa, haley, keli, lizzie, alana, alena, susannah, angela. everyone really. i didnt see anyone

29. Who was the best new person you met?
probably someone in seattle. 

30. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned.
Life really is short.

I can hardly believe this summer is soon coming to an end.
It makes my stomach twist into little knots thinking about how one of my best friends is down in some south american country that i probably cant even pronounce, and my other is on an airplane right now probably crossing over lake michigan or something on the way to her school in NYC.

I know it sounds so cliche and so juvinile, but it is so strange to me to really realize that my life as a high schooler is over.
No more excuses, no more curfews.
I know that while I will go on to make friends like I have never had when I head to school, I will never, ever forget the people who changed my life in the past four years.

From being a quiet, awkward freshman, to the night in my basement crying my eyes out with my best friends talking about all of our problems until six in the morning.
It makes me want to laugh because it sounds so silly, but at the same time I will never forget how meaningful all of it was.


Last night was audrey's last night before heading to purchase.
I cannot believe that one of my best friends is gone for so long.
Its hard to explain, but it hurts me so bad knowing that for the rest of the time im here (until december that is) the one person I could always count on to go have coffee with me no matter what time of day is going to be gone for a while.


Its just bizarre

Why am I up at this seemingly ungodly hour?
work of course.

I cannot wait for school.

I am officially removing the phrase "it's hard" from my vocabulary.
Im sick of feeling like quitting all the time.

Well I havent updated in a while, so i thought i would do a quick little recap of my life

broke up with justin, very sad story. dont wanna go into detail. 
working all the time, making money money money 
starting up a work out routine again as hard as it is (ughhhh)
shopping for my room for next year,  found a beautiful catcher in the rye print that will go very well with my bob dylan poster and numerous other black and white photographs.
its amazing because the dorms at central have brick walls, which I find beautiful. So with my black and white interior I am going with wine colored bedding, and lovely off white lighting.
I love decorating.
Its so refreshing.

Ugh, not gunna lie, work is not fun.
It's really quite boring actually.
I wanna work somewhere else, somewhere where I feel like I belong. I love Barnes and Noble, but I'm not a bookworm and I don't really care for zombies (which is the cult following the store employees have developed).